Lol. I confused you a bit there, didn’t I? I’ll unravel the mystery in a bit, I promise.
For many years, I was really lonely. It’s not like I didn’t have people around me. The room would be full of music, laughter and humans and I would still be lonely. This went on for such a long time. I told myself that I didn’t really need anyone, that I was enough for myself. I told myself that I was a strong, self-reliant, pretty Nigerian lady and I didn’t need anyone else in my space.
Only problem with that? The loneliness didn’t go away, I only succeeded in pushing it into the dark, far recesses of my mind. In trying to act strong, I was at my weakest and most vulnerable. Depression and thoughts of suicide were constant companions. I’d be walking on the road and vehicles would have to trafficate over and over and when that didn’t work, they’d resort to blaring their horns. I was so lost in a maze within myself.
Imagine you were the only one in the whole world, and you’re your own spouse, family and friend, confidant and adviser, physician and patient, teacher and student, boss and employee, pastor and congregation, trader and customer ; what a world of chaos that would be. Everybody needs somebody, that’s why there are other people in the world besides ourselves. Because if you’ll admit it, you really don’t want to be alone. Where your specialty ends, that of another human begins. And in the areas where you’re weak, another is strong.
I had to tell myself the truth at some point, because I knew that I couldn’t live that way anymore. I knew that I had to open my heart to love and be loved, to care and be cared for. To give and receive. I knew that I had a lot more to offer and be offered in return. In acknowledging that I was weak, I opened myself to receive strength from another.
You see, the strength of weakness is that you can receive help, because your heart is open and you do not deny your weakness. It’s what’s makes you limited, but it’s also what gives you the opportunity to be lifted above your limits. It’s not a taboo to admit that you cannot do it on your own.
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