What do I do with my broken heart 

When we say our prayers and we’re asking God to do stuff for us, nobody ever asks for pain. Nobody ever asks to be dealt with cruel blows by fate. Nobody ever asks for their heart to be broken. Maybe this is why a lot of people cannot handle these things, nobody really expects evil to befall them because somewhere deep down, all anybody really wants is to be happy. 

When you wake up on Monday morning to prepare for work, why do you do it? Isn’t it because you need money? Why do you need money? Isn’t it because you have bills to pay? Why do you have bills? I’ll tell you why. It’s because you have to eat, you have to look and smell good, you have to subscribe for data so that when you snap your good looking self, you can upload a picture on the gram, you have to fuel your car or pay for public transit, you have to pay for dstv so that when you get back home after a long day you can unwind by watching another episode of game of thrones, you have to send some money home to mama and maybe take your girlfriend out on a date, you probably have to hangout with your friends on Friday evening and attend a wedding on Saturday morning. You have to do a lot of things that revolves around a pursuit of happiness. If any of these things are taken away from you, you’ll be bored and sad and it’ll look like the weight of the world has been placed on your shoulders. 

Nobody plans to be robbed on their way back from work on Monday or raped on their way back from Wednesday evening church service. Nobody plans to be involved in an accident after Friday’s hangout or come back to a burnt house after Saturday’s wedding party. Nobody plans to get a text that their mother has passed away while in church service on Sunday morning or come back home to catch their partner in bed with another. Nobody ever plans to be the broken one. 

You see, it’s easy to be strong when bad things happen to others. It’s easy to offer advice and solace as long as the evil is far from our door, but what happens when it happens to us? It is in times like this that we find ourselves consciously or unconsciously asking ‘what do I do with my broken heart? ‘

It’ll be really easy for me to just tell you to pray and to believe God, but I have experienced firsthand how hard it is to pray when the darkness seems to be closing in around you, when it looks like you’ll choke on your own tears. I know how hard it is to believe in God when He seems so far away, when it feels like He’s just sitting up there and doing nothing about your situation. I am not even going to try to use the phrase ‘it is well’ because at some point in my life, I got very irritated with everyone telling me it is well when I knew that it really wasn’t well. Instead, I’ll just share with you all the things I did with my own broken heart, my healing process. Please note that broken hearts do not only come from toxic relationships. My heart was broken by family members, trusted acquaintances, friends and several other events in my life. 

Denial: I was in denial for a very long time. I clung to my own perception of reality, I couldn’t accept or come to terms with the bad things that had happened to me. In order to move on, I had to accept my situation. I had to acknowledge the fact that really bad stuff had happened to me and I couldn’t turn back the hands of time and change it or make it go away. Pushing it to the far recesses of my mind didn’t make it go away, it just made it worse. We do not overcome our problems by refusing to deal with them. 

Living with pain: I used to be the one who said “I’m fine” when my insides were twisted in agony. Believe me when I say that facing the pain head-on is much better than sweeping it under the carpet. I allowed myself to feel the pain and then conquer it. Do not bottle your emotions up. Express them as much as you can. Cry, scream…. Whatever you do, just vent. 
Locking people out: This is the worst thing that anyone can do to themselves when hurting. When you shut people out, you also shut your healing out. Surround yourself with people who mean well for you, people who uplift you with their words and presence. 

The place of God: It is important to realise that God did not cause your pain or suffering. Quite frankly, nothing can fill the space that God fills in each of our lives. For me, knowing that He had a plan and purpose for my life went a long way in my healing process. He comforts you in places that no human hand can reach. He takes broken hearts and makes masterpieces out of them. I know no replacement for God in the life of a hurting person. 

Help others heal: One of the fastest ways to heal is to help others heal. I know you think that you have nothing to offer to other people right now, but you do have something. You have experience and you have compassion. At this point, you can probably do a better job than most life coaches and psychologists. Why? Because you’ve been there before. You really know exactly what it feels like to be in that exact situation. You know what to say and you know how to be a source of comfort. 

So, what do you do with your broken heart? Turn it into the reason why you must succeed. Let it become a catalyst for unbelievable growth and development, both personal and external. Let roses grow from your thorns. Let your sob story propel you to glory. 

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