So yesterday, my friend and I decided to meet up so that we could let our hairs down and just talk. We agreed to meet at the mall.
One day I will buy car, but in the meantime a girl has to get around na, so I enter keke(tricycle), I ‘fly’ bikes and I chase buses. My voice might soon get hoarse from shouting “conductor, o wa o”.
I entered keke as usual, it was to take me to the place we had agreed to meet up before we’d go together to the mall. Before entering, I told the driver my bus stop. I repeated it up to three times just to make sure he got it and also because I hadn’t been there before. I expected that once we got there, he’d let me know. Fam, this guy took me past the bus stop o. I just noticed that the other 3 passengers had alighted and I had to ask him if we weren’t there yet. Guess what his reply was?
“We don pass your bus stop since, I just want make everybody come down so that I go fit tell you wetin dey my mind. Aunty, you fine abeg. I like you. I fit take care of you. ”
My people, I was short of words. I didn’t even know whether to laugh or cry. I told him to stop and I alighted from the keke as fast as I could. I crossed to the other side, took another keke and went to meet my friend.
The meeting with my friend was all shades of amazing. I didn’t feel like leaving but I eventually had to. She walked me to the bus stop where I’d get a tricycle that would take me to the park from where I’d get a bus home. My people, as soon as I entered this keke, I knew I was in trouble.
One very fat Yoruba woman was sitting beside me, she kept telling me “aunty, shift na”. I shifted until I nearly fell out of the keke. She kept asking me to shift o. I had to tell her that there was nowhere left to move to. The keke guy adjusted his side mirror until he could see me, then he went “ah, my colour”. People who have been in markets with lots of Igbo guys can relate. The moment they call you their colour, just know that you are in trouble. I didn’t answer him.
“ah, fine girl, my colour, you no want answer me?”
I tried focusing my attention on the buildings flying past as we moved. I didn’t want to answer. I knew he was brewing trouble. The fat Yoruba woman sitting beside me decided to include herself in the one-sided conversation.
“no mind am, na so them dey do, like say dem no dey shit. ”
I still didn’t reply any of them. The guy and the woman started talking to each other about me as if I wasn’t sitting right there.
Igbo guy: Girls of nowadays no get manners.
Yoruba woman: Yes o, you no see as this one take answer me that time? If man don dey toast dem, their head no dey correct again.
Igbo guy turned to me again, at this point, he had stopped concentrating on driving.
“See as you be, you no even fine. Wetin you even get wey you dey go shakara? If we check am well now, you borrow cloth and na wig you dey wear. ”
Next thing I heard gbom! Because the keke guy was too busy yabbing me and wasn’t paying much attention to the road, he drove right into a deep pothole. Fam, I promise I tried to hold the laughter. I stepped out majestically, adjusted my dress and sang loudly for the man and the woman to hear.
“Satan don fall for gutter, match am match am, he don fall for pothole, match am match am. ”
Moral lesson: Don’t mess with a child of God!
Photo Credits : Daily mail, google and twitter.