Job Hunting Chronicles 

I have come to the conclusion that being broke does not suit me one bit. It’s not because my longthroat is more than my pocket, it’s because people do not even believe me when I tell them I’m broke or that I’m looking for a job. It’s not fair.

How can I tell you that I need a job and you reply with “madam like you” or that I am broke and you say “fine girl like you”. I don’t honderzand! Beht why are you pipu laik deez? Do fine girls print money? Do we just walk into the mall and get everything we want for free simply because we are fine? So because I am tall, I have fine skin and I clean up nice, that automatically makes me a boss. Eez as if you pipu don’t know that everything is packaging. What a wow! 

Yesterday, I went to find work. Because I am tired of just sitting at home and doing nothing, because I need money to put food on my table and I cannot wait for handouts, because I cannot sell my body for money and I need a legal job; and a host of other reasons which I won’t write because you’d just get bored and stop reading. I went to several places and there was no vacancy, then as I was walking back home with a dejected look on my face, my eyes caught a ‘salesgirl wanted’ sign. If you know the kind of happiness and hope that flooded my soul eh. Chai. 

I entered the shop and I met a woman. She was so polite at first because she mistook me for a client. Our conversation was something like this. 

She: Pretty Aunty, Good afternoon, how may I be of help? We have all the dresses you can think of here. Just let me know your style and I can find something to suit your taste. We also h………. 

Me: Good afternoon ma’am, Actually ma’am, I came for the job. 

She: (looks at me incredulously) What job, ma’am? 

Me: (points to the sign at the window) The sales girl job ma’am. 

She: (shaking her head) no ma’am, you must be mistaken. The job opening is for a salesgirl.

Me: That’s what I said earlier ma’am. I came for the job. 

She: Okay, you probably want to enquire on someone’s behalf. Who is the person to you and can you vouch for her communication and sales abilities? 

Me: Er….  The person is me, I came for the job ma’am. 

She: What? You? You can’t be serious. I’m sure you’re mistaken. It’s a salesgirl job. 

Me: I’m a great salesgirl ma’am. I have 8 years of experience in business management and sales. This is my cv…… 

She: (shakes her head and mutters to herself a bit then finally looks back at me, the incredulous look hasn’t left her face). I cannot give you the job. 

Me: Why ma? I’m qualified for it. I’m a fantastic salesperson. 

She: (vexing and shouting) Oya leave my shop, it’s obvious you came here to mock me. Get out. Oniranu. Leave this minute. 

I left immediately. I didn’t know whether to cry or be amused. It’s not like I was expensively dressed or anything. Most people can swear on their lives that I’m ajebutter. But how is that my fault? I don’t even use cream on my body and I bathe with any soap I see. Which kind wahala be this? At this rate, how shall I find a job? The debts are piling up and I’m responsible for myself. Abi I shuu kuku start wearing rags so that you pipu wee know that ayam serious ni? 

Okay, rant over. Let me eat my 30 naira akara and 50 naira agege bread and go and continue job hunting. 
Please follow me on instagram @idonthidemyscars 

Find me on facebook idonthidemyscars 

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