When Parents don’t know how to parent. 

Some of the most prominent memories I have of my childhood are those of my parents fighting. They fought over every single thing. My father was very quick to raise his hands and also say vile words and my mother uttered the worst curses from her lips. My father would beat my mother until she was within an inch of her life. I and my siblings were children, we couldn’t do anything to stop them. 

It was such an embarrassment having the neighbors gather all the time to separate fight. As we got older, I noticed the mocking looks of our neighbors. Nobody wanted to play with us. 

It became tougher when my father started hitting my siblings and I as well. He said we were useless and nothing good would come from us. My oldest brother has mental issues and they’ve taken him everywhere to cure him, they think it’s our village people that charmed him, I know it’s my father’s fault. The way my father beat that boy, always hitting his head on walls and throwing heavy things at him. After my brother ran mad, I stepped up and I did my best to protect the rest of my siblings as much as I could, it worked, my father beat me instead of anyone of them. He still beat my mother though. 

One time, he was hitting my mother and I couldn’t take it. I used my body as a shield to protect my mother. He beat me so much and I had to be hospitalized for weeks. He lied to the hospital people that I had an accident, my mother supported him. I was so disappointed. That was when I started disliking my mother. 

My father wouldn’t pay our school fees or give money for food, my mother tried her best to care for all of us but her best wasn’t enough, we went hungry many times. I had to start hustling to supplement her income. I started working at a really young age. There’s no job that I was told about that I didn’t do. 

My father did a lot of vile things and my mother always covered up for him, I don’t know why she did that. I didn’t love my parents or have a proper relationship with them. 

In my journey to healing, I had to choose to forgive my parents. It was a decision I had to make consciously. I still cannot forget all that my father did to me, my mom and my siblings; but it doesn’t hurt as much when I remember it. Now, I can actually sit with my mom and gist, I couldn’t even look at her face before. I still don’t see eye to eye with my dad, but I have forgiven him. Forgiveness strips your pain of the power to hurt you. This is my healing process and my journey and I share it with you so that you know that you’re not alone. 

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