It’s a Process

But you know that anybody who told you that living a new, clean life would be a sweet, gentle walk in the park lied to you, right?

Lemme kukuma share my hexpeliens weechoo feefoo. 

So before I got to know God for myself, I thought that he created the concept of sin to frustrate, tempt and punish us. Yels ke. I’m sure a lot of people think like that as well. Until I realized that every single thing that is a sin has the capacity to harm us if we engage in it. For esampoo, kani pe you steal and they catch you and put tyre on ya neck, who will burn? You or God? If you fornicate and you carry belle or contact an STD, who will feel the pain/misery/disappointment/discomfort ? You or God? If you date or marry the wrong person and it doesn’t go well, who ends up with a broken heart? Oya check it na. 

You see, my feefoo, God isn’t trying to protect Himself or consolidate His power when He tells you not to do certain things, He’s protecting you. 

So, one of my own problems was fornication. I had already been exposed to a lot of sexual contact, both wanted and unwanted, so I found myself unable to resist and sometimes desperately craving sex. Yels ke. Even after I had finished singing “I surrender all” in shush.

First time it happened, I was inside this brother’s parlour. He was someone from my past who I had a serious crush on. Fine boy, bearganger, tall,  dark with a very heavy akant barrance. I didn’t want to let him go, I decided that I wee become assistant Holy Spirit, so I went to his house to preach to him and convert him. A convashun happened, but he wasn’t the convert, I was! I don’t even know how we got to the bedroom or how I used my own hands to remove my pata. 

I left there so ashamed of myself, feeling so guilty. I kept beating myself up for days, telling myself “I should have done better, I should have gone past this level by now”. You’d think I’d learn from that but I found myself in that kind of situation over and over and over again. I had to start lying to cover up my tracks sef. That’s a story for another day. 

See, it will take time, that’s why it’s called a process. The reason why some of you can send me DMs telling me how inspiring I am is that every time I fall, I pick myself up, I dust off the sand and I continue to run. Everytime I fail, I cry oh, but after crying nko? I start to plan and strategise again and I decide in my heart that that failure cannot be the final chapter of my life. 

You think I have it all rosy? I laugh in Italian. Fa fa fa foul! The number of mistakes I’ve made and the number of corrections I’ve had to do eh. Don’t envy anyone’s life or pray to be like them, work on yourself, own your process. 

Some of you think I have plenty money, lol. When I give, it’s not because I have anything hidden anywhere, it’s because I choose to give out of my little, because I know that some people have it worse than I do. When I share my stories, it’s not because I’m totally whole or I’ve arrived at where I want to be, it’s because I choose to recognise my little victories and inspire others with them. If I can do it, what’s your excuse? 

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