If you’ve followed up with my previous stories, you’ll know by now that I had severe daddy issues, so I started seeking love and validation in other men. Those ones too saw free catfish and they ate until they were tired. They fed me with lies and I gullibly gobbled it all up. They had sex with me at will and I was basically their dunghill/spare part/low risk commodity.
After I started to heal, I broke off from all these men one by one, it was hard because konji na bastard and no more easy money, but I did it! Yaay Abi? Don’t celebrate yet o.
I still low-key had those daddy issues and I didn’t realize it. I was desperate for love, acceptance and companionship, so I did something really stupid. I decided to hexpeliment. I deceived myself into believing that since I wasn’t having sex with multiple men, I could just keep one christian broza-in-za-lawd and we would be faithful to each other, that’s nothing bad right?
Wrong. I was still not properly healed or mature enough to handle a relationship. We both messed up bad. He was just an idiot who didn’t care about my feelings and insulted the shit outta me when he felt like it, I was just a fool who continued chopping the insults and swallowing them and still staying with him. Oh, and we were having sex too. By the time I realized how far I had gone, I was so disappointed in myself.
The first time we had sex, he didn’t use protection, I asked him what would happen if I got pregnant, he told me he would marry me instantly, he said he loved me and he’d move mountains for me… Blah… Blah… Blah… Gibberish. Stupid me, with all my hexpeliences in life, I still swallowed the lies. I should have known better o but because I moved ahead of God and of my process, I lost all traces of sense.
Then belle hentered, hunkoo said he would stand by me, I was planning my wedding in my mind o. Please forget I’m 21, I was ready to marry him and change my last name immediately, what am I doing with my father’s name? Who him epp? Those were my thoughts. Hunkoo said he wants only court wedding, I say issokay. I was thinking nothing could possibly go wrong. My punishment was waiting for me at the next bus stop.
After about a week, Hunkoo shange ees mind. He said he couldn’t cope with a child, that I shoo gaan do aboshun. I said Hunkoo, hollup, ayam nuh hunderstandeen! This Issa 360 degrees turnaround, Warrapen to all za promises? Hunkoo say he’s nuh ready to be a father. He said the abortion was for our good and that he was thinking about my welfare.
Instead of me to stand my ground, I went to do the abortion, that’s one of the most shameful things I’ve ever done. At this time, I was already a Christian oh. I was such a foolish, gullible child. After the abortion, let’s just say the scales fell from my eyes. I’ll never be that foolish again.
I’m going to spend the rest of my life exposing my scars as well as my victories do that you’ll learn from my own experiences. Please don’t be as foolish as I was. If you’ve already made a mistake, please retrace your steps, don’t make more.
I love you.