So I gained over 8kg recently, while battling depression. I lost my sister, had issues with accommodation, wasn’t doing great at work and I was broke.
Usually, When I’m sad, upset or anxious, I eat anything and everything. It feels like I’m eating for 5 people. When I’m done eating, I feel better instantly. My close friends and I have an inside joke, we say that I’m in a romantic relationship with food.
As a child, I constantly heard that I was ugly. As a teenager, I thought I was rather unattractive and as an adult, everyday, I have to look in the mirror and remind myself that God made no mistakes in my creation, that he made me beautiful; so when I began to gain weight, that little faith I was building, that small amount of self esteem I had managed to gather, it flew out of the window.
I became cranky. Every little thing upset me, I lost my smile, once I was alone, I’d draw all the curtains shut, then I’d break down and cry. Heavy, ugly sobs that made me heave and made catarrh flow from my nose.
On my phone, I have like 100 people that look up to me and think I have it all together, and I have only like 6 people I can go crying to when things fall apart; Catarrh, tears and all.
Recently, I started confessing positive, wholesome things to myself again, I started the process of falling in love with myself all over again. Some days are harder than others.
I’m dedicating this post to my big sister in the picture, her name is Shubi. I don’t even know if she knows how much she inspires me, how her love makes me want to keep fighting and keep winning.